he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
