Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
