If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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