OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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