im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
