It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
