i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
