i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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