I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
