well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
