My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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