Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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