I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
