Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
