I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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