So drunk its hurt
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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