it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
