Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
