My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
