i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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