i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
