If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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