pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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