It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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