wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
