we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
