Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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