I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
