hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
