You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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