she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
