I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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