You're completely useless in the revolution.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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