If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
