maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
