after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
