respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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