turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
