she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
