yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
