I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
