I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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