wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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