just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
