He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
