even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
