dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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