I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
