the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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