the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
