Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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