Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
