I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
