who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
