Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm at about main and main street
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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