whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
