Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
