My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
