the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
