yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
