The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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