If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
