The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
