i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
