and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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