Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you are never too drunk for berry picking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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