Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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