I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
